fantabulously maria

My sister & brother-in-law recently moved to a new apartment in Seattle over the past week and being the amazingly wonderful sister I am offered my interior design, handy “wo”-man services, etc to help them get moved and settled into their new place.  If only they had known that the following email would be arriving shortly after……

Dear Client(s) -

Thank you for choosing Innovative Services Corp. for all your needs.  Below you will find an invoice for services from Innovatively Designed Inc., Innovative Handy-WoMan Services, Innovative Food Delivery, & The Innovative ATM Co..  Please pay promptly as your account is PAST DUE.  If needed a payment plan can be set up with interested at 25.6% DPR (Daily Percentage Rate)

Innovatively Designed Inc.
- Comprehensive Space Planning & Floor Plans – $500
- Material/Furnishing Selection – $300
- On-site Design Consulting – 20 hrs @ $75/hr = $1,500 (*Friends & Family Discount of $25/hr)
- Misc Parking – $7.40

Innovative Handy-WoMan Services
- On-Site Furniture Assembly/Installation – 20 hrs @ $60/hr = $1,200 (*Friends & Family Discount of $15/hr)
- Moving/Hauling/Storage – 6 hrs @ $60/hr = $360 (*Friends & Family Discount of $15/hr)

Innovative Food Delivery
- Panera – $18.73
- Krispy Kreme – $3.07
- McDonald’s – $13.34
- Chipotle – $21.63 (Comp’d as Friends & Family Discount) = $0
- Delivery Service Charge – $5/meal = $25
- Mileage – 25 miles @ $0.58.mile = $14.50

The Innovative ATM Co.
– WA Brewers Festival Cash Purchases
- Event Ticket – $21.50 (includes $1.50 online service fee)
- WABL Membership – $25
- Add’l Drink Tokens – $10
- Food – $8

MISC INNOVATIVE FRANCHISE CHARGES
– Physical Stress – $1,067
- Emotional Scaring – $479
- Sleep Deprivation – $926
- Dog Neglect – $83,475

TOTAL DUE – $89,953.54

Thank you for choosing Innovative Services Corp for all your Interior Design, Handy-Man, Food Delivery, & ATM Needs!  We look forward to working with you again in the near future.

Sincerely,

Maria J. Dominicci, CEO
Interior Designer
Handy-Woman
Food Delivery Driver
ATM

I had to be creative, and the greatest thing is that my sister printed it and put it in her husband’s “Bills to Pay” folder.  I think I’ll buy a new car with the money!  Porsche anyone?